Rise to the Rising

At the rising

Transfixed I stand, transfiguration waiting

Hope for my metamorphosis

And I, the seeds called from the ground

I rise to the rising

Light fills the world

Solace warms, the splendor is now assured

Faith for my posterity

And I the trees surrendering my leafs

I surrender to the light

On the setting

Content I lay, captivation by the twilight

Love for my her and (please god) now

I the last rays reaching, extending

I marvel at the beauty

if at eclipse

Champions and Chevrons, my gauntlet is for you

Greatest is my love

And I scorched but not subdued

I will see you shine again

coursers of coherence

If in the everness(forever figment and fantasy)

evenness gone, la belle traine sa bete

stumbling across borders smashing into walls

a bulldozer is more subtle than my intentions

breathing speeds deepens ragged

quickened, hold it…together now a slow release

passions curiosity is not purged by my brave new order

if in the consumption and consummation

weakness pervades, Je sais que mon coeur

failing in my pledge, falling into you

a sunflower stares blinded but follows

softness surrounds me

confusion has won the day again

her champion, I am, not unseated by coursers of coherence

if in the ritual rating and review

comfort calms, et je suis le fou
constance will be my watch word, mon cheri

ask me not now what the heart wants

but, what you want for the heart you treasure

The moments were the treasure

Trees sway, the night sings

Mullions divide a saffron glow

Casting shadows, the bars of my asylum materialize

Stretch across the floor

I would not escape, tell me to go

Candles flicker, I

Heartbeats measure intermittent rhythm

The music of our time takes form, takes flight

Reaching out to you

losing myself again, I would taste love again

Glasses clink, jazz fills the background

Sophia (la Bella donna) marks the moments

Our healing and you’re leaving is taking hold

A last kiss goodbye

My devotion, my salient silent suffrage, worthless to all but me.

I am caught in moments to surreal to be real

I am trapped by a love which may wane or abate

But from which I can not escape

“Stand still in the mine field, accept your fate”

The moments were the treasure

what i want

My whole life they’ve told me Please try not to fall. Walk tall on your own Or don’t walk at all They’ve given me reason “please don’t take a chance” analyze and think and test each new romance They’ve sought to encourage They mean to protect It is a caring for me They mean to affect But have they ever actually stared into their lovers eyes in a crepuscular afterglow? No! I know...and that makes me sad, they'd know better if they had Have they heard the cannon dale of shuddering breath? Do these well minded and well meaning souls even know what it is to be that alive? crush me if you have to I’ll take all the pain But true to my feelings I must now remain I choose you for me Now you must choose too (not two) My greatest hope now Is that you’ll choose you Don’t listen to me Don’t listen to him And for gods freaking sake Don’t listen to them The heart wants what it wants, pro tem passion can turn to permanence when you surrender True friendship asks only, what makes you happy True love cannot be quantified, analyzed, digitized but you must give in if it is to be realized So trip, and fumble, and fall, into me But most of all find the courage, and set your heart free If nothing else, you’ll become the woman you are meant to be. That’s the only thing I want.

Doppleganger

Doppelganger

Phantasm of what was

Not of what could be, or is in being

She haunts me, and she is not, she will not be her again.

More than a memory, less than my sustenance

Eerie fingers have close the doors to my heart.

Corollary only in appearance and sound

She is not the love I knew

I miss her and she is gone, I don’t want this.

In dream or delusion

You find me

And I am safe again

I know you, I know the meaning of the slightest word

No, you are worthy

You do not need to stand bulwark between

Paramount paramour(s) and pain

choosing love’s vanguard means knowing the cost

brave Aeowin you cannot save everyone.

Juggernaut

Insolent intimidator with your cunning coercion

You can’t win her; she is not a prize to be possessed

Smashing and controlling her heart, but never holding it

Not knowing her, amazing, worthy, beautiful her…

NO! You cannot force, you must let her choose

You cannot knock down the walls; she must let you in…

And she hasn’t, sorry… and please back off the pressure

You deserve more than safe controlling possession, you deserve devotion

In rumination and contemplation

I find you

And ponder what we(all) can be

I know you, I know the fear that you harbor and hide

But YES YES YES, you are someone

You can choose yourself and all that is yours

You deserve, dam it you DESERVE, you have done nothing wrong, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG

Loves absolution cleanses and consecrates you

Worthy in my heart…isn’t that what you want?

What are we?

darkness enrobes and empowers bravado

lips trace,

obscure, but this moment is crystalline

I am and you are

What? What are we?

Evasiveness eluding and enigmatic

pulses quicken

confuse, two liars speaking truth with their eyes

You are you, I am I

We are now what we are? Really?...Really?

Secrecy emboldens passions ensue

hand in your hair

di recondita armonia of two lovers falling

we two become

Inevitable or inconvenient?

Lucidity gives rise to laughter

kith and kin feel comfort

in the light this makes sense

we flirt dangerously with fraternity

all are now at risk

I will be one with you in the darkness

In the confusion

I will revel in the recondite harmony

of our love

But it must be our love.

Love is leviathan

Still

and my shame, my sadness, mocks me

I can not abate or assuage

the despondency

of the indecorate inadequacy

but we danced in the dark

and I will remember your hair surrounding me

in a last summer kiss

Still

and I can not stop

I understand the clarion

The allure

of the sirens call

I would so willingly drown in you

Loose myself to the depth of who you are

Love is leviathan, I can not escape

Still

and my words hurt you

invited into sanctum

twice trusted…now

You think yourself a fool

I would quench them from your memory

Abrading every hurt with laughter and reverent devotion

I would give passion to the wind and let joy take flight

designate to her fate

Though she is now designate to her fate

she is not really free

Despite her proud protestations

about liberty

And this is not what I have tasted in her

this is not what I had expected after my fall

with out her strength?

she’s someone I don’t know at all

And how could he want that?

Her confidence and competence are

Cogence and compulsion

To my fascination.

It just doesn’t seem her

The vulnerable I get…

But submitting her power

I’d rather forget

ensnared and entangled

by first new love’s kindness

despite her new out look

this is a sure form of blindness

he offered you certain,

stalwart and ease

he offered you kindness

and a heart meant to please

convenience and contracts not meant to control

just gossamer strings

that were meant to tie and console

helping and tying your heart to his

believe me I understand

Im pretty damned good at this romance biz

But a true gift that is truly given

Is given with out

A way to check up

Or a reason to shout

So now she’s stuck

Between almost love and a hard place

Between the allure of accepting certain life

And the magnetic pull of her lover’s embrace

a fools errand

A fools errand I run

Chasing down possibilities

Wondering through your maybes and mysteries

To break all the way through to

nothing changed and nothing new

in every moonlight its still me and you

and we both still have so much thinking waiting, wanting, and feeling to do

Sisyphus’ task has become my own

So I put shoulder and back into the stone

Pushing this rock into its’ place

Some kind of foundation in my life must be set

And god knows everyone's expectations must be met

And although my decision to stay, I may soon regret

For now and for good and for that instant of grace, I cannot forget

And so I struggle on

Jesters hat in hand

no coward’s soul is mine

but no Persephone either, she has gone on her own will

not captured, but accompliced, every action meant to distill

which destiny she knows her heart must fulfill

so I stand still, and I struggle to push this rock uphill

and I wait for the moment of clarity

when you know what your life is meant to be

when your heart unfettered returns to me

chaste, without doubt or fear

the love you want will hold you dear

breaking this bewildering earthly veneer

and at last my love your visage clear

Until then… I am standing still

Pushing this rock up hill

in between

In between the

Madness (circus) of my day and Eros (colored obsidian) liaisons

I stumble across a moment of you

Real, raw, without regard

Convention lost on an overstuffed leather couch , just

You

I really like, this girl

And I am still

in between

a plan, how to have this? And safe, no questions to answer for once

I look into your eyes

Compassion, compulsion, attraction, ambition

Realizing that your careful masquerade is a way to share

You

I really admire this girl

And I am still

In between

Where I was and where I now have to be

I glance again, and then again

Four (more) angels now for whom I am to be worthy,

You

and I wait for that moment which was struck upon a star

And I am still

In between

my seemingly endless desire, and your mobile and perishable fancy

I reach out to you

You blossom into me and the incarnation and incantation is complete

You

and I go on toward fate in the cooling twilight

am I am

as respect to reverence

as my longin to loving

beautiful mother, teacher, leader, lover, and friend

gentle mentor of my passion(s)

who am I to burden your load

give me the yoke

let me pull it with you

Am I yours?

Can you pull it together?

Or does loving you mean pulling side by side?

as aggravation mounting and mounding

as frustration, or folly…calm down

twilight has long past, children anxiously slumber

safely surrounded at last, by her embracing and safety

why disrupt, interrupt , corrupt , why demand? Why push? Back off, let them sleep!

But, whispering in the dark, am I as much to blame as he?

Or does your invitation eliminate and alleviate consternation?

Am I yours?

Can I remain the one you trust to come in?

or is my unspoken demand disquieting to your heart?

as tenderness to trust

as compassion to constancy

face in my dreams, voice in my head, smile I remember

raw and unfiltered, just me, just you…true friends.

I am me when I am with you, are you…you?

I want what we were, and what we will be, and become

If this is real, I can not imagine another, can you? Really?

Am I yours?

When we are free, will we be freed?

When transformed and transfixed is your heart for me.(?)

as trusted to cherish,

as affection to always

demanding your hearts attention ,

but never stealing, seizing, snaring, I don’t want you If I have to force this.

I am offering you a choice between

What you planned, and what you want.

Who we decided to be, and who we are together

I am yours

SoftDown

an easy sanctuary

she fits me

internally, externally, eternally

moments like tiffany blue opening to the real treasure

anticipation for/of

more than a maybe, probably a probably

how it may (may it) become

she enters again easy into my arms

she fits me

in the ecstasy, and the exhaustion

she finds her voice

she loves me there in the softdown