It won't stop

Lingering still
I reach for her at night
And hit a wall

She was my true other
My make sense
And she hit bottom

My burden

My burden is no lighter
I pull this fallen tree
through modern forrest primeval.
My fingers clutching and cloistering
The roots of what we were
My back bloodied and broken
And I pull and pull
unable to let free
unwilling to accept as is as  just so
I pull this fallen tree

My burden is no lighter
I pull this tree alone
Through the every day mundane
Grasping and laboring and searching
For a place to plant it new
My fruitful soil eludes me
And still I pull and pull
No plans or dreams consume
The burden is not chosen
The task was set for me

My burden is a joy now
I pull this tree uphill
Every branch a memory
A battle of my will
Devotion is my yoke now
Longing is my crown
And still I pull and pull
My hoped for consecration
Not mine against my will

And I'm still here... pulling on this damn tree

My burden is no lighter

I pull this fallen tree

through bramble snags and clutches

tearing at the branches, the memories

tattered and shaken

the leaves the details brown and fall

But I am growing stronger

this burden I can bear

as the shoulders of my heart grow broad

I can complete my task

Don't touch the stove

My beloved daughter
There will be times while away from home
When you will you will be tried
And you'll be all alone

So I have prepared
A plan for you
A list of things you can do
And that are probably best not to do

Dont Lean on the stove
It is always hot
Even when off
You're better to not

Don't play with the fire
Or you soon will learn
That when you do
You always get burned

Don't run with scissors
It's just good advice
And avoid things that cut you
And things that can slice

And don't play with boys
Who aren't very nice
They won't ever change
They aren't worth the price

If he is exciting
But he isn't true
He's not worth the crap
He will put you through

Follow your dreams
And don't ever stop
Let the other kids worry
Who ends up on top

True riches you'll find
In what gives you joy
And not in vast
Accumulation of toys

And above all else
Remember you're loved
By me and your mom
And by God up above

So go find your life
And try your damned best
I promise in the end
You'll be happier than the rest

the sometimes nothingness

The sometimes nothingness
of you
the harbinger that meant
I knew
you were gone
and wouldn't hold on

The everyday smile
and grace
the look of love apparent
on your face
was missing and vapid
your exit hectic and rapid

And you were not you
and I was not me
and we are not now
what we were meant
to be
or not, it's up to God
I just wish you'd end this fraud.

And at least be the brave girl
who I once knew
The amazing woman
who grew and grew
and not this
whatever you are
you had come so far

To throw it away
to try to go back
to whatever it was
with that crazy whack
and get whacked
come on baby
you're better than this maybe.

Laid at his feet

Laid at his feet
all of my dreams
he is in charge
not me, so it seems

Laid at the cross
my hopes now for you
I just can not live
in this heartbreaking blue

I will not give up
I will not surrender
I will just now trust
the Lord's loving splendor

I believe there's a plan
I believe we were true
But living with out us
what else can I do

But focus on me
and being the man
that you once loved dearly
if maybe I can

Then maybe someday
We'll meet up again
and if my hunch is right
I'll see that wry grin

That spark in your eyes
that was only for me
the flush of your cheek
the unspoken plea

And you will be mine
my hearts bell will toll
and we will be us
and I will be whole

Don't read Fitzgerald with a broken heart

Don't read Fitzgerald with a broken heart
His turn of the phrase
It's  Beyond mere art.

Made like a poem of love and loss
From longing to pain
Like stations of the cross

And I suffer and I suffer on
Like Gatsby the fool
In his life long con

Dragging my self through endless days
Wandering now
My life with out you, has become a haze

No flowers for my daisy
My Nick a trusted friend
Planning and Talking me through the crazy

That has torn our family down
Reconciled to anguish
The circus needs it's clown

No hammer on a star
No wish that will come true
I am designate now to love you from afar

what a fool I must be

What a fool I must be
carrying our love alone
how heavy is misery?
every moment missing you
fighting against my destiny
every breath pain
every step a memory

and she is gone
does she think of me?
she says moved on
domestic domicile bullshit bliss
some how I think shes wrong
so fool that I am I wait for the fall
and the end of this self con

What a fool I must seem
living in the past
thinking I'm her truest dream
she haunts me always
why can she just be mean
crush me wholly
end this foolish obscene

crush me, wound me,
tell me to go
instead she leaves me
lost in the memories of her
the best memories that ever were
what I would give to be lost in the blur
of loving  hers again and her

And fool that I am,
I am giving it...all
just in case... and because I can
and awaiting the fall